You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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