The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
