is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
