three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
pray to the hookup gods
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
