I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love you.
Bad choice
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize