Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
