So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
