You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
