Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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