The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
