I got chris browned last night
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
