u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
