You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
