I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
