i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
