Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
