My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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