so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
