i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
