I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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