i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
