I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
