just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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