Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
