I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
