he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
