I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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