They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
