just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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