I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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