Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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