I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
