glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
