someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Everything about him screamed your future.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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