Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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