How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
