he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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