How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
