Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am available for nakedness
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
