have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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