Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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