Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
