so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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