If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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