she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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