WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
