2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
