I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
