For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
