Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
