in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
