how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
