My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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