he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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