Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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