I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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