my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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