i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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