hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
