now i know why i became what i already was.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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