Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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